A Funeral in the Mountains

Seventh Gallery, Melbourne
November, 2015

Words uttered in an instant. Spoken like a eulogy. Carried like a totem. Softened paper edges. Hands on touch. The funeral, the mountains, the park ranger vehicle - fragments of something lost, a transitional state, muscle memory. What is important. What is remembered. What is repeated. The mountains and the memory.

A funeral in the mountains
Another third world crisis
I really should update my blog

After writing a monologue based on overheard conversations, I then carried a folded copy in my pocket for one month while in LA in 2015. This was then displayed on the wall alongside fresh copies for people to take home. The video I filmed of a wake in the mountains while hiking in California formed the backdrop to a voice-over of an actress reading out the same lines I had carried for so long.

They're lucky to be alive.
There are thousands of people dead. Thousands.
That whole thing is built with, like, bricks. And bricks can, you know…moving ground?
Yeah! It's a house of, house of cards. And their stuff is old. That's an old civilisation. Sucks.

I mean, it’s bad here.
We are so doomed if we get an earthquake.
If a seven hits LA, every freeway is coming down.
So fucking overdue. We're overdue by years.

I laugh because there's so much happening in my life right now.
I'm trying to get more content on my blog and when I get it redesigned I want to start sending it to people that I know, send the link out to try to promote it you know.

I can't tell you how much time I spend, wasting, doing articles that never go live.
There's just two. And I send my articles to them and they decide if they want to print them
and a lot of the time they say no.
They're just like,
              ergh.
     We don't need to talk about this or, yeah that person's a client, you know what I mean?

It’s just really stressful to me and I feel like it’s taking away from time that I could be working on myself as well you know? And that’s so important to me right now.

Cause I’ve been thinking, I was like, this time, what can I do to not make the same mistake for a third relationship.
What can I do to, like, change my life?
So I just got up and did something completely different.
And when I bump into people, everyone's like, you seem so positive, you seem so well, like, I'm glad that whatever I'm trying to do is radiating ahead of me.
Those are the only things that sometimes I feel, like, aren’t negative.
It forced me to change my life system.

The point that I'm making is, like, I want to be good for me.
I mean, it's so frustrating. Cause the world is really stressing me out and getting in my way.
But I think I definitely should be using this time to focus on myself and become the best person I can be, cause that’s the only way I’m going to progress.
I just know that I can fix myself.

I’m ready for something really, like, really mature and connected and stable. And I think that once I get that, that everything in my career is going to fall into place you know. Cause people really respond well to that, and that’s what I really need right now. In my life.

So, either way, the one thing I think is that it's changed my life.
It forced me to do meditation, you know?
Cause I care about myself.
My eating habits, my weight.
I mean, I'm growing up.
When things are just comfortable, it's impossible to change.
So what's great, what really, like, shows that I’m a good person, or like a mature, evolved person, is that I can positively change the adversity, and that's like, and that's what I just need to focus on.
It's kind of like, so many of those moments, I haven't been so depressed in my life, you know?